Keep the Past Present — But Not Too Much of It

Over the years, I have earned the reputation as the stuff police. I am forever nagging you to purge, declutter, toss, donate, edit, dump, oust, clear, lighten up and let go. But today, sit down, I am going to sentimentally suggest that some old things you should keep.

I know. Grab the smelling salts. I won’t confess this often, but here and for the record, I will concede that certain precious items from days of yore deserve a place in our homes today. The critical question becomes, which ones?

Now before you get carried away, let’s pause and review the reasons not to hang on to too much and why we get in the messes we’re in. Let’s say you get married and merge households. Both you and your partner have a set of six juice glasses. You keep both sets because you’re stubborn that way. Then you inherit six juice glasses from your mother, which remind you of all the breakfasts you had together. Now you have 18 juice glasses. Multiply that by 100 similar scenarios and add in all the times you acquired new items without getting rid of the old, and the result is clutter, bordering on squalor.

Drawers, closets, cupboards, chests, cabinets and garages fill and overfill. We get overwhelmed. The place goes to heck, and we need a backhoe to dig out. This is why I am hesitant to say: Sometimes, it’s okay —even lovely— to hold onto the past.

In fact, when we intentionally insert precious items from our past into present-day rituals the item as well as the moment can feel profoundly meaningful.

At my daughter’s wedding last fall, several heirlooms made an appearance. The ringbearer, the groom’s five-year-old cousin, carried a wooden cigar box circa 1940 instead of the traditional velvet pillow. The box once belonged to my father. Most days it lives on my desk holding pencils and pens.

Though my dad didn’t smoke cigars, before he joined the marines, he and his father worked together in a cigar factory. This box came from that place and time.

That this otherwise unremarkable wooden box, this little piece of history that bridges four generations, had a place in a ceremony that will likely forge the next generation is more than symbolic. It conveys a quiet respect for those who’ve gone before while giving a symbolic nod to time.

At the wedding reception, the bride and groom cut the cake with the same carved sterling-silver cake cutter that I used at my wedding, and that my parents used at theirs, again, knitting the generations, imbuing the modern moment with echoes of the past.

That’s the big idea. The trick is not to overdo. The past is important, but not at the expense of the present. As you comb through your belongings selecting what to purge, declutter, toss, donate, edit, dump, oust, clear, lighten up and let go of, keep an eye out for a few key possessions that may warrant preservation, items from the past that may play a role in your present or future. Here are some filters to help you decide which old items to hold onto:

·      It serves a purpose. Keep items from the past if you can use them. I have my grandmother’s rolling pin. I don’t need another. But when I had a chance to keep her pine blanket chest, I did not. I have a lovely wooden chest that does that job. I did not need two. Let go of items once they’ve served their useful life, have been replaced, have no place in your life now, or no longer fit your lifestyle.

·      It trips a warm memory. I have an oil painting in my kitchen of chickens in their coop that hung in my kitchen growing up. My mom met the artist. I like to look at it and bounce off my memories of my mom in the kitchen of my childhood home.

·      It belonged to someone you loved. This is a common reason we cling, and we should have a few pieces that belonged to loved ones who have passed on. Those items can keep us connected. But choose the small and few over the large and many. Better to cling to the crystal vase than the entire sideboard. When everything is important nothing is important.

·      It’s unique to your history. If you have an irreplaceable heirloom that reflects your family’s heritage, country of origin, or culture, feature it proudly. If it’s in the attic, how important can it be?

·      It has a story. We don’t hang onto stuff. We hang onto the stories behind the stuff. If an item embodies a meaningful part of your story, hold on. The football you threw in college to score the winning touchdown at the championship game may have a place on a pedestal in your den, especially if you went pro or coached.

·      It’s earning the space it takes up. My friend Emmy-winning interior designer Mark Brunetz tells clients not to ask, “What do we have to get rid of?” but rather, “What pieces resonate with us today?” Flipping the question makes the process lighter, easier, even joyful. “Don’t ask what to toss. Instead ask what’s still earning its place. If it’s not part of your life now, it’s just taking up space.”

CAPTION: Keeping the Past Present — At a recent wedding, a ringbearer carries a wooden cigar box that belonged to the bride’s late grandfather. The box came from the cigar factory where he and his father (her great grandfather) worked in the 1940s. Thoughtfully placed items from our past give can give our present greater significance. Photo courtesy of Arlene Laboy.