Spin Photos Into Pop Art

Those who’ve followed my column know, I haven’t been too kind to shelter magazines. Though I’m addicted to them, I really think they’re house porn. These high-style, high-concept magazines make you lust after what you see, even though the look is completely unattainable. (Look closer — there are no cords! No thermostats! No waste baskets! They’ve all been airbrushed out.) Just looking at these stylized spaces makes me feel so inadequate. I read them by the stack. Then I whine about them in print. How do you get to live like this?!

This month was payback time. The shelter magazine world got even with me. My home and I became the subject of a feature in the April issue of Colorado Homes & Lifestyles. I panicked, of course. The irony that I was now in their crosshairs was not lost on me. Adding to the poetic justice of their sweet revenge was the fact that I didn’t know the photographer was coming until the night before the photo shoot. (Oops — we had some email problems last week.) I grabbed the smelling salts, and took a good look at my house. It looked like it usually looks — freshly vandalized. No time to redecorate. I had 17 hours to spiff the place, figure out what to wear (then they told me to change), and get my bangs trimmed. 

Fortunately, they went easy on me. Whew! Here’s what I learned … Be yourself. Sure, tidy up, but pretense is a big waste of every one’s time. Know the degrees of clean, so you only do what you have to. (For camera-ready clean, your place only needs to look tidy on the surface, so you can stuff empty wine bottles in the washing machine. For company’s-coming clean, do camera-ready clean plus clear guest rooms, set out fresh toiletries, and have nothing embarrassing under the bathroom sink. Mother-in-law clean means triple the standards for company clean, then lock up guns and liquor. ) And the best discovery: With the right angle, the right light, a good stylist and a skilled photographer, any home can look good. Am I grateful. Maybe they’re not so bad, those shelter magazines. 

http://www.coloradohomesmag.com/Colorado-Homes-and-Lifestyles/April-2009/At-Home-With/