Book Jackets: Keep, Toss, Or … ?

When I was in kindergarten, I used to get in trouble for talking in class. I attended a private Christian school, and the teacher would put masking tape over my mouth. They could get away with that in those days.

One day, my fed up teacher sent me to the principal’s office. My mom was also called to the office to discuss “my problem.”

“Why do you talk so much in class?” the principal asked me.

My mother has never let me live down my earnest reply: “I just have so many important things to say.” Though my mother thought that was a major crack up, I meant it. I still feel that way.

Whether or not anyone else thinks what I have to say is important isn’t the point. I feel compelled to say it. Which is why this week was so frustrating. I sent my next book, House of Havoc: How to Make – and Keep – a Beautiful Home Despite Cheap Spouses, Messy Kids and Other Difficult Roommates off to press. And I had to shut up. I read the final proofs, squirted in the last bits of copy and sent it to the editors, who put it to bed, as they say. Then I wrote this week’s column, which SHOULD BE IN THE BOOK. I had one more thing to say!

The column, which will appear in papers in a couple weeks, is on what to do with all those ribbons, medals and trophies kids accumulate faster than Facebook friends. Now, my kids aren’t exactly superstar athletes, but you wouldn’t know that by looking at the wall full of ribbons they’ve collected from horse shows and gymnastics meets. At the average gymnastics meet, a kid brings home five ribbons: one for each of four events, and one overall — even if the kid fell off the equipment twelve times. That’s because we’re building self esteem!  My oldest daughter recently got a ribbon for 1oth place in a horse show. Tenth! Out of 15 riders. But, hey, we’re building self esteem! We don’t tape mouths. We give trophies: “Most Talkative!”

The problem with these awards, apart from building a false sense of accomplishment, is that, be honest, they’re ugly and create clutter. But we parents have to not only save them but also display them or be reported to Child Protective Services. We’re building self esteem!

Anyway, my point, and yes there is one, is that I wrote my column this week on attractive ways to capture and feature these victories, hollow or otherwise. And as I wrote, I kept thinking: This belongs in my book, but it isn’t there. Though I’d already written the last word, I still had one more important thing to say. And I always will. It’s the story of my life.